Good morning,
It is 4.15 am Monday morning August 6th. I am awake. The reason I wrote 7 on the title is because it is the seventh time I have written about this.
I haven’t read the other six but I do know that each time it is different. This time I am in extraordinary pain. My back is horrendous. I was talking with my daughter in law, and she told me about some bandage –forgot what it was called, that was like magic, so I went to my chiropractor, Dr. Michael Kaye – a miracle worker – and he placed this bandage over my back and I am almost pain free. Amazing isn’t he? I don’t know if he is taking new patients but if you want someone who thinks and acts outside the box, he’s the one.
I am one of those smart women therapists, who goes to a therapist. His name is Joe Weldon, and I call him the therapist’s therapist. He is smart too because he goes to a therapist. I believe those of us who hear so much grief and pain, have to do that. I know it works for me and I am grateful.
He has a way with words that at times amazes me. Here are some examples. He once told me I don’t have issues due to PTSD. I have injuries. I told this to my veterans, and they also sat bolt upright as did I when he said it to me. He believes that responding is the ability to respond. The other word I love which didn’t come from him is “intimate”, which comes from the Greek meaning to be without fear. I love it.
When I don’t sleep, I realise I have an over active brain. My therapist calls it perseverance. It comes from “persevere”, which in my case means I have a thought, and it keeps on and on and on. So, I get up and am extremely productive.
This morning, I have completed a wedding service and the entire programme for Sunday! I don’t know why I write so well at night. It isn’t as though I live in a noisy household. It is just me and Sir Winston Ernest Leonard Churchill, affectionately known as Churchill.
It seems that there is something beautiful about the night. I love the darkness. Maybe I really am a witch. I have a hat and a broom but I only fly at night! I did give it some thought, and I believe it has something to do with my childhood when we were bombed day and night. I was awake very late so I became accustomed to the peaceful darkness after the Luftwaffe left and flew back to Germany. I escaped death so many times as a child and for some reason, that velvet darkness told me, like Elton John – I’M STILL STANDING!
Once my head hits the pillow, the thoughts come rushing in. So many about my life and what I want to change, how I want to live, the way I deal with people in my life. Because years ago, I was a raging codependent, which brought me to this country leaving my beloved London. I can tell you that one can recover entirely from codependency.
This is what I learned. “No” is a complete sentence. So is “yes”. I was taught to stop explaining. Women are the worst. I have spent years doing women’s groups specially to use those two words and not explain why. In my studies, most men don’t explain unless they too are codependent. What I also learned in my recovery was to like myself, and even love myself. I am a very loyal friend but if anyone screws up with me, they’re gone. That was a challenge. I have no compunction at all.
I recommend two books for this condition. Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melodie Beattie. I interviewed her once on my radio show. It was on a Saturday night and on the next Monday, her publisher phoned me and asked me who I was. I told him and then he said they were overwhelmed with the calls to get this book. They had to do an emergency printing. They were the first books that addressed the challenge.
Melodie had been a single mother on welfare, when she suddenly up and left with her children, taking time to write the book. She wrote another book called The Language of Letting Go. An amazing woman. After this huge success, sadly her young son was skiing, went into a tree and was killed. After that she wrote a beautiful daily affirmations book called Journey to the Heart. Exquisite.
I wrote three books myself a long time ago. They were all bestsellers.
The Child that Never Was
Grieving Your Past to Grow into the Future
Credit, Cash and Codependency, 366 Encouragements to Prosperity which is a daily affirmations book.
It’s amazing the thoughts I have that keep me awake. There are a lot of ‘whys’. They are relentless. Why do publishers refuse to publish my articles. Why when I am personally recommended for an interview on WHYY, is it ignored? I have one hell of a history and in fact when I speak with children, they call me “living history”. Why do so few people read my blog. When I quote something from my daily affirmations book about four people respond, when someone else get over a hundred. I mean, come on There has to be a reason. I get all kinds of awards. Nothing changes. It’s all very weird. I am not in the pity pot. Left that years ago. I am just curious. Do I need a manager or an agent? Who knows?
I work a lot. Unfortunately my work doesn’t come with big fees. Most of it is voluntary. Now my brain is really swirling, and it is about regrets.
Does anyone have regrets? I don’t have any resentments – I really don’t. I worked very hard to get rid of them and it worked. Now I have regrets and they don’t go away very easily. It seems I have been a care sharer (my word as I don’t like caregiver because it was perceived as one way and caretaker blows my mind). The word “Caresharer” came about working with cancer patients and making sure their care sharers took care of themselves. I was one for ten years and we learned from one another. It’s the same when I work with the recovering community. When I spend time with them and they learn from me, it isn’t fulfilling unless I learn something from them. I do.
What do I regret? Obviously, leaving my country. Not being able to travel because I took care of people. I was able to go home and because I am half Irish, I visited that beautiful country and would love to live there. I would love to have a small house with a reasonable amount of land, fenced in, so I could get dogs. Of course I would love to win the lottery – big time so I could really help so many people and organisations. I already have a list of what I would do with a few million dollars!
I was taught to manifest. It hasn’t worked yet. We’ll see. I won’t stop doing it and I will do a board as I did years ago. One of the things I would immediately is buy enough land to have an animal sanctuary. I am an animal rights activist and that would be a blog of its own. What I would do with animal abusers would take several pages!
I am also very grateful. Very grateful to the people who love me and tell me. Sounds simple? It is. I heard people say, ‘keep it simple stupid’ . Stupid is my worse curse word so I say ‘Keep it simple sweetheart “. Now doesn’t that sound better? I just looked out the window and dawn is breaking. It’s a beautiful sight. Of course, Mother Nature and I don’t see eye to eye from time to time.
So I will close with one of my favourite sayings. It’s from Mother Teresa. She said, “You can’t do what I do. I can’t do what you do but together we can make a difference”.
I believe that. I have seen it happen so many times. So join me. We can make a difference especially with this election coming up very soon. Be well and conquer.
Photo by Stephanie Chriselle on Unsplash
I love what you wrote at 4:15 in the morning. Very active mind you have my friend, with many words of wisdom.
I love you
Jody R
I am in total agreement that both “NO” and “YES” are complete sentences. If more people understood that I think communication would be so much easier. When I ask someone a question I’m not interested in their life history I just want a simple no or yes response. Another word that smacked me in the back of the head was “Caresharer”. I will be using this in all of my future communications. The next time I’m over at the VA and talking with some of the veterans I will use the quote “you don’t have issues due to PTSD. You have injuries my friend!” just to see their reactions. I hope the back issue is resolved soon and I miss you terribly. Your friend for life – Rev. Dr. Dan
Thank you for your lovely morning blog. I am glad you are pain free. I am 65 and have my share of back pain- hip pain. I just keep moving. They say movement is medicine. I am currently in Coeur d’Alene Idaho vacationing at a family lakehouse with my husband. Itbis so serene. Lots of memories here. I am wistful. Bittersweet memories. I agree with ‘ Keep it simple- sweetheart ‘. Take care.
Cheryl Nelson USA
As I was reading this, like I do every time I take in your insights, I found myself grimacing, smiling, laughing, nodding because I KNOW YOU! This is so you since it is about being transparent and speaking your truth. Keep on keeping on, my dear friend.
ooops, I guess you know who this is, but just in case you don’t, it’s the Bliss Mistress/Hugmobster <3
You are amazing. You were amazing. Every moment of every day, you are amazing. You’re also very much loved!
Thank you for sharing the name of the “therapist’s therapist.” I will pass that along to two relatives.
I wonder sometimes if you are really several people. One person couldn’t possibly do all you have done and continue to do. I say this with great affection and awe. And, Yvonne, you know I love you but I’m telling you again.
Denise G.
Chalfont
Thank you for all your wonderful comments. I really appreciate it. I owe you a phone call Dan my man!!! Denise. When????? Everybody. You touched my soul. Jody. You know you do and the bliss mistress – don’t hide behind your laurels. All the comments are so well received. I really love what y ou have written and guess what – it’s 2.49.a.m and I am about to write another blog!!!!!! Blessings