• Children looking over a fence.
    Grief,  Helping Children,  Life transitions

    I’ll Take That One

    It is Memorial Day 2018. I have thanked men and women, alive or dead for their service. Thank you again. I woke up this morning with tears streaming down my face. They turned to sobs, heartrending sobs. It went on for quite a while, until I could hardly breathe. Bear in mind, I rarely cry. I realised I must have had some silent nightmare, bright and piercing in its intensity, but that one doesn’t remember. Other than John having died June 5th, 2015, so that date was looming, I knew it wasn’t that. It was gnawing at me and the physical pain was intense. The ER? No, this was strictly…

  • Couple kissing
    Humor,  Life transitions

    2017 And All That: January 1st 2018

    What a good idea to write about 2017. Then I thought, Nah. I’ll write about the days prior to the end of 2017 and how different December 31st and January 1st were. Prior to the first day of January, I was sad and thoughtful. Not too good that thoughtfulness, and this time it rendered me almost speechless and isolated. My decision to be isolated as the grief was so strong, I felt it impossible to put the mask on and pretend I felt joyful. I chose solitude, which isn’t a bad thing as long as the brain doesn’t do cartwheels of past hurts which are useless. I was invited to…

  • Path in the woods
    Gratitude,  Grief,  Life transitions

    The Journey

    I went to England last year and this year – not for the holidays, but to see where I belonged. I haven’t been sure about it for a very long time. I am having lunch with my friend Ruthie today. She is a diner chick like me. I have written about her before. She is a bereaved mother without a filter which I love, and she knew my late husband, John, before I did. So, it’s lovely to be with someone who not only is comfortable with me talking about John, but who talks about him more than I do. I know she will want to know all about my…

  • Older hand and child's hand holding a rose.
    Grief,  Life transitions

    The ‘Nice’ Woman Just Left

    I have written about grief before and here I am again. This time, all bets are off and I am so angry at the denial around grief and addiction. I have presented on this subject at a couple of rehabs for the staff. In the past I could speak to the patients but that has since changed. The VA Hospital at Perry Point, Maryland has invited me over the years and I have been honoured to speak on this subject to those who work with recovering veterans, particularly those plagued with PTSD. In the past, Dr. Robert Ackerman encouraged me to continue my determination and I was invited to speak…

  • chain with heart
    Healing Lessons,  Life transitions

    The Deeper the Love, The Deeper the Pain

    The holidays are approaching fast. Malls are filled, traffic is crazy and I am filled with apprehension as to how I will be. Some people say it’s only another day and I would like to believe that. However, I have been a bereavement specialist for a very long time and beg to differ. Now I am one of the bereaved and I know it to be real. When a loved one leaves, in any way at all, special days are important. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, celebrations. Somehow the emptiness that goes with the broken part of them takes over. This is the second Christmas without John. It was always special because…

  • Ireland in the morning
    Life transitions

    Yes, Yvonne. There is Peace Somewhere

    I am a perennial student, always learning and willing to seek knowledge and peace. It seems to be in demand lately as the world is slowly slipping into hate and vitriol so that peace is out of reach. It isn’t. Just keep it simple. Yesterday I found peace, unequivocally and without pretense. I found it in Peace Valley Park in avant-garde Bucks County. It has been a solace for me for a very long time and feeling pressure, I headed out there to experience the beauty of nature and serenity. I find it there especially during the week when it is relatively quiet. I took a small picnic, but ate…